Posts Tagged ‘fear of spiders’

Fear or Phobia ~ who cares it’s the result that matters

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

How old do we need to be before we learn to be scared or even have a phobia?

You see, a recent client of ours, we’ll call her Brian because that wasn’t his name, came with what was a phobia of dogs but had it had generalised through to other animals. And that’s what can happen, in order to keep us safe and protected our best friend, our unconscious mind, decides to make sure nothing will harm us and creates a ‘good old’ fear for other things.

So now we not only spend our time thinking of the first thing that scared us but all the other things and times where can be scared. The problem is do we feel safe and protected now with all these thoughts and pictures in our head? Absolutely NOT!

This is a problem but the good news is, whilst we can learn to have a phobia in a millisecond, trigger it without thinking and generalise it to other things we can do the reverse easily. That is ~ learn how not to react in the old way, in fact act in the way you want, trigger it that way without thinking when to and generalise this new, desired way into other areas of your life.

Brian created her phobia really young, about 2 years old, when a dog tried to bite her face. It didn’t but the fear and the need for protection was learnt there and then. The thing is –  are all dogs the same? Would all her life experiences of being okay between now and then be a better resource than the fear and panic created by seeing a dog, way over there?

Of course all dogs are not like that one and of course our whole set of life experiences would be a better resource and that’s what we did when we worked together, I’ll explain  a little more in a minute.

Because this also reminded of one of my first clients, she had a phobia of spiders (notice the use of the word ‘had‘). She was convinced she first experienced this about 7 when she was chased by someone with a spider at school. Not sure what the spider was trying to learn at school? Anyway, with skillful questioning and empathy (well I am writing this and you weren’t there) we discovered this wasn’t the start of this phobia it actually occurred when she was about 3 and seeing her big, lovable Grandad coming down stairs as white as a sheet so scared because he had seen a spider. Her unconscious mind thought if my big lovable Grandad is scared of spiders then I have to be too!

So are these people still afraid are they living their life constantly thinking about what scares them?
You can guess the answer ~ of course they’re not, no way.
We’ve developed through  hypnosis and NLP together with Time Line therapy (tm) Oh! I nearly forgot with ‘skillfull questioning and empathy‘ brilliant ways to let go of fears and phobias and, I know it may seem hard to believe, with a lot of laughter. Who says it’s a rule we have to be serious about creating great changes without a bit of fun and feeling good as you do it?

The thing is, when we let go of anything that holds us back we can use what we learn to pleasantly affect other areas of our life. We become more confident, at ease some may say be the real me and it never amazes me how far the ripples of our clients change spread because we know it will.

You are allowed to have the life you dream of.


A thought about Fears and Phobias.

Friday, June 6th, 2008


Have you ever wondered, How many people who have a fear of heights ever fall from a tall building? That’s right, none. Some people think that fear is a wonderful emotion to have because of this. However, what about when just looking at a photo of a high building causes that fear, is that rational? No, it’s not is it? The same thing applies to all sorts of fears and phobias and they’re all real in for the people who experience this. This reaction is debilitating and can, when thrashing around with arms and legs, actually be more dangerous.

Having the unconscious ability to create the feeling of anxiety that we call fear, can be one of the greatest abilities we have, if it is in an acceptable scenario eg: if we are being attacked, or standing on the edge of a long drop and really this is the fight or flight that is ‘hard wired’ within each of us. On the other hand, if this fear becomes so big it becomes a phobia (where it becomes an irrational, intense and persistent fear that causes us to avoid certain situations) it can cause no end of problems for us. 

We are born with the ability to feel fear, but when born we do not have certain beliefs about what to afraid of. Its’ only when we  go through an event that causes us to be afraid, our unconscious mind stores this memory in a way that the next time a similar event happens, it will cause us to feel fear so that we avoid the situation altogether. And whilst the unconscious mind is doing this for a marvellous reason or purpose it’s not learning from the previous time or your experiences in between. If it did you would be act so differently

 Let’s look at the phobia of spiders (Aghhhhh…. sorry got carried away). How many times do you see babies playing with spiders and chasing them? It’s only when their parents pull them away quickly, screaming at the spider that we learn spiders are scary. In reality though, there are no dangerous spiders here in England so the fear is very irrational. It can even turn into a phobia where a toy spider can even cause this fear, or even just thinking about one causes the anxiety to return. When you think about it, we don’t learn to be frightened over a long period of time. We don’t think Oh there’s a spider there, I’ll be a little nervous and the next time think, Oh I’ll be a little more nervous now. No, we learn a phobia in an instant an that’s the great thing phobia’s teach us~ We have the amazing ability to learn new things unconsciously in an instant and therefore we can unlearn things we don’t want in an instant too and learn to act the way we want to in an instant. We can choose this and change at the unconscious level, how????????????? Using hypnosis of course (silly!)

So how can you let go of your phobias and choose to act the way we want to ? Why not just contact us at Cambridge Hypnotherapy and let us show you how easy it can be to become free of your fears and anxieties and learn to be the way you want in only 1-2 sessions? Really in only 1 or 2 sessions?????????? Yes really

Luke Clough